How Close Are You To Living The Life That Truly Excites you?
Find Out In Less Than 2 Minutes!
When I ask you how you are feeling, don't reply with "Fine, Thank you." Because you are not! This makes me even more angry! How are you right now, how do you feel? I never want to hear you saying "fine" when I ask you. I ask you to get how you feel right now, because I really want to know, I really want you to express it. I can see you are not "fine“.
Maybe you are actually sad; utterly frustrated; blissfully happy; excited; depressed; suicidal; in rage or anger; lonely and lost; anxious; unloved; grateful; optimistic or hopeful; inspired and spreading love …. If the only answer you can come up with still is "Fine, thank you“ I bet you are actually numb. You do not allow yourself to feel.
And this, my dear, is why you are stuck, and will stay stuck. Let me explain:
First of all, you have to learn to differentiate between who you are, how you are, and how you feel. You are not angry, you feel anger. You are not frustrated or depressed, you feel depressed. You are not happy, you feel happy. It is so important that you start to differentiate. A feeling is a current state of being, and has nothing to do with who you are. You are a human being - partly human, partly being. That’s why we are using this term. You are a being in human form, and your being compares your current state of feeling with previous experiences, and labels it; like a microchip in the control system in your car, aiming for the adjustment.
As long as you believe you are what you feel, you will stay stuck. Yes, I repeat that here.
Secondly, our society has trained us to "be fine“. When you expressed as child how you felt, this was - in some cases - okay for your family / guardians. However, as many of us grew up in an unhealthy childhood, it soon started not to be okay any longer. Society started to label us "weak“ when we expressed our feelings. At this time our human as well as our being was still intact - at least for many of us. As we however were not really allowed to express how we feel and therefore were unable to process it, we started to build up a second identity - protective, aggressive, big ego, small self-worth etc.
And in this identity you are still stuck today. You are filling up your mind with self-help books and courses, and more and more information, feeding your 'second', false identity. You started to analyze where you are in life, where you would like to go, and your past. With your head. Do you really believe that analyzing a feeling can be the right process? This is like thinking of a taste when reading a cookbook. You have to get the ingredients, get yourself into the kitchen, and start cooking - and enjoy the meal, no matter how it tastes. This experience will tell you if you cooked it well, and with your creativity you will step by step make it better, more tasty.
My suggestion to you: stop searching, seeking and filling your identity up further with more and more information. Start to apply what you know right now, and implement it.
Here is what I would probably do if I were in your shoes:
1. I would stop asking "How are you?" and rather ask the people that really matter to me "How do you feel - right now?"
Be of service to them - they are as stuck as you are.
2. I would look at how I feel right now, and acknowledge it. When I feel sad, I have to allow myself to feel sad.
If you are not allowing yourself to feel what your really feel, you completely miss the point of that feeling. It’s there for a reason, and you need to accept that. Imagine you go into all kind of different restaurants, and all meals would be tasteless. That’s how life feels for most of us. And you actually know that, you are simply just too scared to own your feelings, afraid to express it. That’s how we are conditioned. We are so afraid of feeling our true feelings that we take all kind of substances to numb us down. And every now and then we add some adrenalin and rage to remember that we are actually still alive.
3. When I have acknowledged how I feel, I would remind myself that this is not who I am and how I am.
You are a lovely, beautiful being in a magnificent human body, and your sensory system picks up something that needs processing, is asking for adjustment. Imagine you would see fire in your house, and ignore it. Maybe not the best idea, is it?
FREE QUIZ: How Close Are You To Living The Life That Truly Excites You? Check Out Now
FREE QUIZ: How Close Are You To Living The Life That Truly Excites You?
4. After understanding that my feeling is not who I am and how I am, I would look why I feel that way.
As said, you feel your feeling for a purpose, and have to understand why. Acknowledging the feeling is the first step; acknowledging why you feel that way is as important.
5. After I understood the cause for my feeling - good or bad - I would address the cause.
If someone or something makes you feeling for example angry, you have to share it, have to address the trigger. Otherwise it’s like painting the ceiling when the roof actually is leaking. What is helpful in this process is to appreciate and find gratitude for your feeling. "Awesome, my emotional guidance system is working." By responding to your negative emotions with gratitude instead of resistance and suppression, you already increase your state of being - the energetic frequency of gratitude is significantly higher than anger or sadness.
6. I would remind myself that this feeling is only for me to process.
If you are angry, that's not for your co-worker, boss, family member (or the driver of the car next to you) to share. You cannot solve your situation and lift yourself out of it by "transferring" your rage or anger to someone else. Rage, anger and blame towards someone else is an absolute no-no. It might help you to feeling different for a moment, but firstly it will make the other person feel worse, and secondly you will create guilt in our own "system". And to process guilt is on a complete different level.
7. Now it’s getting easier: I would reflect on how I would like to feel instead.
If you feel angry however rather would like to feel excited, stop reflecting on how you feel but rather on how to get there. Concentrate on the feeling you would like to feel. Whatever you are focus on will magnify. But also understand that you cannot jump from feeling suicidal to bliss in just one step. If there is "the secret" then I would say the secret is to find a way to feel better, even if it’s just a tiny little bit. You either spiral downwards and feel worse and worse, or you find a way to uplift yourself, by just feeling a little bit better. Just a tiny little bit, as long as you stop your downwards spiral. This will change everything.
How long will this process, step 1 - 7 take?
Well it’s a process, a training. A few minutes to learn, a lifetime to master. In the beginning it might take you a day, some hours. With more and more practice, you can manage the whole process in a few minutes or seconds. I remember a meeting, and everyone was deeply depressed - for a specific reason. When I started the meeting I was feeling excited, maybe a bit anxious as I could feel the others. During the meeting I picked up their depression - I had no solution to offer. But I knew: for me to see the solution, I have to get out of that feeling asap. As the feeling of depression was a very strong one, it took me two minutes. When I met my team some minutes later I was the usual me - not "feeling fine" but rather excited. I understood the team needs leadership and my input. The next morning, I called in a meeting with everyone, and I turned everyone into feeling inspired again. I shared suggestions and answers that came to me in my night’s meditation and prayers.
If I have one wish for you I would say: I would like you never to say "I’m fine, thank you.“ again. "FINE“ to me means: Feeling Inside Not Expressed. You will pay a fine if you don’t acknowledge and process your feeling, and the fine gets bigger and bigger with every time you are saying FINE, not expressing your feeling inside. What if everything in your life that creates pain, forces you to feel stuck, is actually caused by repressed emotions?
Ready to change your life? Acknowledge your feeling, and move on as fast as you are able to.
So: How do you feel? Please share in the comment box below.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jay currently lives in Cape Town, South Africa. A place he calls home. Jay’s expertise is to support and guide inspired individuals to transition from a profit oriented business career to a purpose driven business career and life. He recently started MasterStories.com, a platform on which individuals can share and process their personal story. Most excited however he is about starting The Bridge with his nephew Henri, who currently resides in Prague - two generations, inhabiting completely different parts of the world, coming together for the mutual intention of uplifting three and more generations! - Check out Jay and Henri's FREE QUIZ "How close are you to living the life that truly excites you?"